did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
