you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
