Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
