I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
