I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
