i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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