he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
