My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Bring me that man meat
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
