that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
