Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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