Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
