the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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