ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
