No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
