so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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