Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
honey bunches of taint.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
