the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think I just shit out all my problems.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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