So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
