that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
