do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
