we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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