I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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