You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
