Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
