well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
