i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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