im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
