saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
