come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
