I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
