when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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