goodnight i made you a song goodbye
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
