i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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