insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
