I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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