remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
