He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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