If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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