dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
