Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I looked at my own cervix.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
