I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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