fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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