I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
