Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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