I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
