Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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