What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
