I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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