Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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