I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
