me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
