I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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