Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
