During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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