so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
