I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
