Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
