??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
