i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have demons in me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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