I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
