apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
