Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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