My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
