What did we do last night that was yellow?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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