who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
