I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
