He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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